I had the amazing opportunity to attend my first sound bath right here in Bakersfield, California! I had only seen sound baths in movies like Eat, pray, love, thinking I would need to go to a big city to attend such an exotic event. Bakersfield has grown and expanded in the last 5 years since I’ve lived here with art shows, farmers markets, and small shop festivals popping up almost every weekend in downtown. It’s all been so exciting.
I have established a meditation practice for over a year now and I’m so proud of myself for being committed. Working as a stay at home mom, the work is draining raising my 1 year old boy and 4 year old girl, but also rewarding. Slipping meditation into my every day routine while searching for sippy cups around the house has been a challenge, but has been vital to my mental health.
I had read on the white wolf wellness website a list of things to bring under the title, “Sound Bath Survival Guide”.
I found this sound bath event on the white wolf wellness Instagram, a non profit here in Bakersfield providing free yoga and meditation classes to the community. They recently received a grant to provide Sound bath events for free as well! This could not have come at a perfect time during my current spiritual journey.
I asked my husband if he could baby sit the kids to attend the sound bath later that day. He said, “Sure, where are you going?” I replied saying, “I’m going to a sound bath, where they play ancient indian instruments like gongs in a dim lit room while people lay on mats and meditate.” He replied back saying, “Um, that sounds awesome, I want to come!” I was surprised he wanted to come, but promised he could come with me to the next one since I would need to book a baby sitter in advance!
The sound bath was being held at La Mariposa Venue at the east side of Bakersfield. Luckily that was only 8 minutes away from where I live. I knew it was a sketchier side of town, knowing that a friend had her car broken into last week in that same area. But when I drove up to park, there were two security guards outside the venue watching the cars. That made me feel better. I was excited and nervous to come already so I did not want to worry about the safety of my vehicle.
I had read on the white wolf wellness website a list of things to bring under the title, “Sound Bath Survival Guide”. It said to bring a yoga mat, blankets, pillow, journal and water. I was already in a hurry so I just decided to bring one blanket but quickly grabbed my journal. Little did I realized later that I would have wished I brought a pillow and extra blanket!
Basically a therapeutic jam session in my mind.
I walk into the venue and was greeted at the door to sign in and was given a survey. The room was dimly lit with hues of purple and blue light. A projector portrayed snow in a forest, and jelly fish swimming in a sea. The band Al Wadi was set up with their instruments of gongs, different types of hand drums, and indian instruments that I wasn’t sure of the names. The room was already filled with people getting comfortable on mats, laying down or sitting in lotus position. I made my way to the back corner where I felt comfortable and safe from anyone staring at me.
There was an introduction explaining what was to happen during the event, where the bathrooms were located (which I really appreciated knowing), and that sound angels were to come around as we were meditating. A member of the band, a man, described the music that they were going to play, not out of a music arrangement but free flowing music, just based on an agreed key. Basically a therapeutic jam session in my mind. I later realized that hypothetically I could join them as I have a background in playing percussion instruments in drum line and marching band.
In that moment, I knew my resentment was not coming from within, but externally from other sources.
The music started and at first, I sat cross legged (I personally find the lotus position uncomfortable) on my blanket that I had laid out. I had my journal with me and the survey I was given at the door. The survey was to rate your level of anxiety and depression before the sound bath and afterwards. I thought it was informative even for myself. On a scale of 0 to 10 I rated my level of anxiety at an 8, depression at a 4. We were led to take a few deep breaths as the music began to play. I just could not help but feel so blessed and honored to be there. I felt so lucky and I felt love from the music and from the vibration in the room. I felt supported and I did not feel alone. I took a few deep breaths and settled into my sitting position. I blessed everything and everyone in the room, starting with the floor that I sat upon. The sounds were soft but full of depth and ease. I did have many thoughts running through my head but I have learned to not judge them during meditation and to just let them go like a river, flowing along passing by.
The entire event was 2 hours of soothing music and projected images. I changed positions from sitting, to lying, to standing. My tail bone became sore from the hard wooden which then I realized, I should have brought a pillow. The air conditioner was at full blast, (which was needed in a small venue filled with people) so I felt a little chilly. I made a note to also bring an extra blanket. They did provide mats sponsored by lululemon, but I’m a little more cautious of germs since that coronavirus is going around. (I definitely washed my hands before leaving the vicinity).
I was reminded to continue to be compassionate toward all people, especially the ones who hurt me.
I decided to journal since thoughts kept flowing through my mind. But I appreciated the atmosphere as it inspired me to self reflect. I began to think about where I am at on my spiritual journey to wholeness and enlightenment.
Recently, I have been reading the testimonies of people who have walked away from the evangelical church. It has inspired me to write my own journey of finding my own faith. I also found my “limit” if you would say. I would never be atheist, as there are many people who have become atheist. I for one, realized, that I would always believe in a higher power. I would not be able to prove this higher power, but I feel so connected and supported by this idea that I have no reason to let go of that belief. I also realized that many people who have left the church are angry and bitter. I started to feel that way when reading these testimonies. I started my spiritual journey over a year ago, but this is the first time that I have felt any resentment towards the church. In that moment, I knew my resentment was not coming from within, but externally from other sources.
From the very beginning of my faith journey I wanted to leave anger and resentment toward my father who rejected me, including all areas of my life. I was reminded to continue to be compassionate toward all people, especially the ones who hurt me. But not because they believe differently than me, but because I acknowledge everyone is on a faith journey, and thinking I’m right and they’re wrong is actually bad for my spiritual health and brings negative energy. And I’ve learned to protect my energy. Even though I do not strongly believe in the same beliefs of the evangelical church any longer, I can still have compassion for my friends in the church and the leaders. I have no intention of burning bridges with any of them. And I still attend like I have mentioned before and honestly still enjoy learning about the bible with the ladies at Wednesday morning bible study.
Somehow, I have found my own freedom outside the church setting and hope that those christians may find their own way into freedom.
Writing my thoughts down helped me focus on the music. When I was done writing, I put my journal down and was able to get lost in the sounds of the wind chimes and deep tones of the bass. The sound angels walked along us and played a gong and a bell. I felt the vibration of the sound fill my mind, comforting me like a warm blanket, pausing my thoughts. I observed the room filled with people sitting, laying down, or kneeling. I felt connected to these people that I had not met before. When I stood in the back at one point, my eyes were closed and my hands were faced palms up at my sides. It reminded me of being at church during worship music. Even though I was not in a church setting, I still worshiped God, the creator of the universe, thanking him, and praising him for bringing me to that place where I felt freedom. Which also made me wonder, if the church preaches we are to have “freedom in Christ” then why are there still so many christians sitting in the pews every Sunday morning feeling fear, guilt, and shame? Somehow, I have found my own freedom outside the church setting and hope that those christians may find their own way into freedom.
The music slowly ended and we were led to take a few deep breaths and stretch our arms and legs. I felt happy, safe, and supported. I wanted to stick around and meet some people, but had to run to buy ingredients. (My daughter wanted my husband to make ice cream that evening.) I figured if I attend one of their meditation classes I could meet people then. When I turned in my completed survey, I was given a button that said, “Stay Woke”. And I intend to for the rest of my days.
confessions of a pastor's kid 